The Celebration of Peg's Spirit

I have nothing written for today. Yesterday my husband's grandmother, Peg, was not doing well. Hospice told us that " it will not be long". I spent the later part of the day with Peg and our family.
I will be back for Thrifty Thursday tomorrow, so please do come back.
Forgive me as it seems life continues to happen and my responses to you sporadic. I read every single one and am always humbled that anyone would care enough to swing by Bloggeritaville and comment. I appreciate you so very much and feel so blessed by the friendships I have in my blogging community. Thank you, a sincere thank you. I hope to be back in the saddle before to long.
In the meantime, I ask a favor, that you please pray for Peg's comfort as she makes the inevitable transition from body to spirit. To be absent from the body is to be present with the Lord, and it is in that we find comfort and peace. Tremendous peace in that she will be at a much happier place. Only God knows when.
Thank you friends for your prayers.
For now, I rerun this post about Peg dated 8/17/08 (almost a year ago). Peg is one amazing woman. One tremendous spirit. It is her life that I celebrate and am thankful to have met such a wonderful woman....


I wondered when we arrived at the assisted living facility if we would find Peg asleep. It has become a way of life for her. Though that seems like a oxymoron. Life and participating in it, should not include much sleep. And certainly for someone that used to be the life of the party, the one you would fight to sit over at a dinner party because you could always depend on an interesting story, it especially is an oxymoron. Peg, is Big Daddy's grandmother. When I first met her, some fourteen years ago, I was especially fascinated in her gift of story telling. Much like my idol, Katherine Tucker Windham, she could spin a tale that might cause one to sacrifice a good meal rather than miss a word of what came from her mouth. Stories that included seeing Frank Sinatra in concert (!!!), having poet Robert Frost sign a first edition book for her, to stories of her courtship as children (no less) to the boy who eventually became her husband to the day of Big Daddy's birth (twins were not expected).


Today a disease has robbed her of her story telling and has made this once vibrant and spirited woman a shell of herself. The disease is called Dementia. It is a progressive brain dysfunction that leads to a gradually increasing restriction of daily activities. It's the most well-known type of Alzheimer's disease. Dementia not only affects patients, but also those surrounding them, as most patients require care in the long-term.
Peg was always a very fit woman and very conscious of being just that. Even in her late 70's, as a very independent yet widowed woman, she would bike five miles a day (one way!) on the southern Florida beach where she resided. She was well traveled and loved to see & experience the world and all that it had to offer. I recall years ago Peg accompanying Big Daddy and I along with my brother in law and his new wife to Amelia Island. We walked everywhere, from sun up to sun down, and not once did she drag or tire. In fact, it was all that we, as some young thirty somethings, could do to keep up with her. It was a fantastic visit. I cannot say that many young kids would want to tote around an elderly person...but she was no "old Fart". She stirred up much of the fun.
I recall another trip, on a Caribbean cruise...me, Big Daddy and my cousin were calling it a night sometime after midnight. The three of us strolled the ships upper deck on the way to retire to our cabin. We came upon an elderly woman, silhouetted by the full moonlight. I whispered to Big Daddy that it was awfully late for a woman of that age to be strolling around at that hour, especially alone. As we got closer, the moonlight revealed the face, it was Peg. "What on Earth are you doing up here this late?" I asked. "Oh, getting in some laps (walking) around the deck. The night is young!..." and off she strolled at a quick pace. We were all tickled at how she could outlast any of us.


(Photo taken in May 2003)
Today, Peg sleeps up to 22 hours a day in bed; rising only to eat meals and these she has to be reminded to do so. Smiles are as infrequent to her life now as the medication and doctor visits are frequent. The spirit that could once be found in her eyes is now clouded. There are some good days, but most often they are coupled with challenges.
It is a heart wrenching situation. It is difficult to go and see her to always find her in bed. No longer, does it seems that this woman , who was always so interested in genealogy and devoted to her family and times with them (most notably her children and grandchildren) finds pleasure of even being with those who love and adore her. Her zest is gone. It is almost as if she is waiting...to move on.
My mother in law has the daily ritual (sometimes several times a day) of checking in with Peg to make sure that she is being properly cared for. One must stay on top of things as anyone with a loved one in a geriatric facility knows. With such a disabling disease, it does not only affect an individual, it affects all that knew them. But for my mother in law, it has affected her the most. She is the main caretaker for Peg. Though she is the {adult} child, She has been forced into the role of parent. It has not been easy. It has been one with protest from both sides. Have you ever tried to tell your mother what she needs to do? And what if she didn't want to do it, but you had to make her. It's a situation that is often met with resistance. Many times there are arguments & guilt associated with it. Though my mother in law does her best to remember to find laughter in what is a very strenuous situation. Her mother has regressed to a childlike state and must now be treated as so. It can not only affect the mind of a dementia patient, but also the mind of a caregiver. Dealing with dementia symptoms in your own parent can stretch the limits of your sanity. It's a struggle. But it is one of two most extraordinary women. Peg, and T (my MIL and Peg's caregiver).

(Picture taken 2007)
Eighty nine years is a long time for anyone. Eighty nine years for someone with a disease that erases the memory can be almost overwhelming. My husband's side of the family all gathered at the assisted living facility where his grandmother lives to celebrate her 89th birthday this past weekend. A bittersweet celebration. Each day that one has here on this earth is a gift, but when those days are filled with an ever decreasing quality of life, the years that preceded that are even more appreciated and more revered. And it is this reason, why I wrote this post. To celebrate the Peg who was always the life of the party. One that looked for an excuse to celebrate any of life's situations. We come together and celebrate the life of Peg, and the ways she has impacted each of us in the family circus. And how she continues to do so. Yesterday, Today and Always.
Peg, Happy 89th birthday. We love you. For who you once were and who you are today. We are blessed by your presence and treasure the stories of our past- the gift- that you have given each of us.

(Photo taken August 2008)
http://www.dementia.com/
www.YourSupportNurse.com
www.caregiver.org
www.enroll.AlzComboCare.com
Excerpt from the book Helping Your Aging Parent
http://www.aricept.com/