Saturday, August 25, 2007

The Condom Story

Last night, for the first time in a long time, Big Daddy and I found ourselves alone. Two of our children had spent the night with out and the oldest was working. Tom and I decided to go out for supper. When we got back in the car, I started looking for some antibacterial gel (Most of you know my compulsion and fear of germs). Big Daddy didn't have any in his car so he told me to look in his glove compartment for a towelette, which got me to laughing. It brought to mind a story that my good friend , Deborah told to me. thought this story was about me and Big Daddy? HA! Breathe easy, my children. Now....Back to our story...
Now understand, that Deborah has a teenage son (aged 15 at the time). Her teenage son had a new girlfriend. Deborah, fully knowing about teenage boys and hormones decided to sit down with her son and his girlfriend and talk to them about premarital sex. She preached of abstinence and values, diseases-the whole gamut (My son would've run away if I had done that! L.O.L.). Finally she told them that she highly regarded abstinence in the world of today, but at the same time, if things in the relationship ever got "out of hand" to "USE A CONDOM". She preached this with all the conviction of a Sunday minister on his second wind preaching his sermon, long after lunch time.
Later, after her "testimony", she took the kids to supper at Zaxby's Chicken Restaurant and then planned to take them and drop them off at a movie. Things, she thought, had gotten off to a good start. Deborah went to a different movie at the cinema, to give the kids some time alone. After the movie, she walked through the dark parking lot and got into her car. She pulled to the front of the complex so that her son and his date would see her when they came out of the building. Soon they came out, Deborah, realizing she needed her glasses to drive, asked her son to get them. They were inside her purse which was locked in the trunk.

Her son retrieved her bag and dropped it down on the front seat. Deborah, with one hand on the wheel, used her other hand to search for the glasses. In the passenger seat she came across something that filled her with rage. She could feel the small foil wrapper between in her fingers. Sure, it was dark, but the packaging-with it's small 2x2 inch square shape, left no doubts about what was in her hand. She was certain that her son had accidentally dropped a condom in the seat as he retrieved her purse. Now, you must know that Deborah does not spare her feelings, she says exactly what she thinks and she she is also one that wears her emotions on her sleeve. She became enraged at the thought of her son and his girlfriend completely disregarding the talk.....the pleading..... that she had given them just a few hours earlier in he evening.

"WHAT IS THIS?" she yelled as she held up in the air the unopened package so that it was visible between the seats .




She yelled as her voice reached a decibel that could shatter windows for miles around. Her son and his (new) girlfriend looked in horror at the madness that was in front of them. They looked at one another in puzzlement as to how to answer, finally her son spoke a questionable whisper,

 "A moist towelette?"

"WHAT?" asked Deborah, confused.

"A moist towelette" he repeated, with more certainty in his voice.

Deborah held the package back at arms length so she could inspect it more closely, allowing the lettering to come into focus.
A moist towelette.....from Zaxby's! It had probably come in the bag of food and had fallen out into the car. Deborah was mortified at what had just taken place, the rage she had felt, the would she respond to this.

"Why....Yes! Yes, it is!", she said in her calmest of voice, " Thank you".

And she drove away from the cinema curve into the night. She never mentioned it to her son again.
She did, however share the story with me and our other friend, Janet. Every occasion that we get, we purchase Deborah some moist towelettes. We sometimes gift wrap them, or even secretly put them in her purse or drop them in the seat of her car. It is a priceless story about mistakes that even we make as parents. It is a story of humor. It is one that I cannot imagine ever being topped. I hope that it will bring some sunshine to you, as one day you might be driving in the car and searching for that moist towelette and it will bring you a laugh.


Alex said...

best story yet
i needed that laugh

Anonymous said...

That was funny! I could almost see myself doing the same thing.

Anonymous said...

that is absolutely hilarous that sounds like something my mom would do
tenis dude

ginaw said...

Kind of worried where you were going with this story at fist! HA HA!! :-)