Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Leigh's Nose Knows the Truth

A couple of years ago, there was a girls trip to the beach. There were two groups of women that went down. One group left on Thursday and another on Friday. I was in the Thursday group. At the time nose piercing had become a new trend among the younger crowd. We had stopped at gas station on the way down, and of all things, there on a turning rack were stickers that were little diamonds. A light bulb went off in my head. I bought them. For some reason, and I do not know why, my friends seem to pick me as the person that will "do anything". Not true. I like to have fun, but there is a limit to my fun. I am not daring or crazy. But people seem to perceive me as that person.


But I tell ya what, I love a good joke or prank. In the car, I announced my intentions, we would call and tell group two that "Leigh had gotten her nose pierced" on this "wild women's weekend" (actually just a group of middle aged moms). The phone call was made, and shrieks came forth on the other end, that "Leigh has gone gotten her nose pierced!!" at a made up name tattoo parlor. They wanted to "see it to believe it". And so on Friday evening, we awaited for group two to arrive. We were to meet them at a local restaurant. I pasted on my fake diamond nose ring and out the door we laughed and giggled all the way to the restaurant. We had gotten there first, and were seated at the table. The restaurant was a very nice, Cafe Grazie. It was dimly lit inside, to my advantage. Soon enough, in came our group. They got a glimpse of the light that flashed off the side of my nose. "I cannot believe you did it!!!".

And so on the joke went, me, willing to go as long as possible to convince my group. Soon enough, our food was ordered and then brought to us. I ordered Alfredo pasta, undaunted by the calories because we all know on girls outings, calories simply do not count. As the evening progressed, my "nose ring" began to itch. It was an itch that needed to be scratched. But yet, it was a delicate situation, I didn't want to be obvious or worse yet, scratch off my new "diamond" and expose the truth to soon. I began to gently use my finger nail to scratch the surrounding area of the nose ring. Just then, I looked up. My eyes met a young gentleman who worked at the restaurant. He suddenly got a "I saw Ya" smirk on his face. My mind raced. He thought I was picking my nose!!!! He thought he had caught me in mid pick. I couldn't have him thinking it. I didn't want anyone to think me a "picker". It was at that moment, I began living a Seinfeld episode. You know the one, The very one.
If you know me, you also know that things come out of my mouth as I think them....
"Excuse me! Excuse me, sir". I shouted, my table looking on wondering why I was calling the man over. He looked over my way again, "Yes, sir, excuse me, can you come here, please?" The young man walked over with a huge smile on his face. "Sir, I think you saw me in a compromising position a moment ago", I blurted out. My girlfriends looked on, some giggling,others mouths gaping open. I went on, "I think you took me for a pick, but I want to explain to you sir, that there was no penetration". It was at that moment that things got loud. Several friends began to choke on their food, drinks were being choked on. I knew what I meant. They hadn't a clue. There was laughter. Lots of laughter and other customers began to look over to see what the fuss was about.
The guy laughed right along with my friends. "I know you think I picked, but I can assure you there was no penetration whatsoevah!" My friends were close to hysterics, I went on to explain myself, "You see, it's my nose ring, see? Right here? It was itching!". It was then that I lifted my finger to my nose to point out my gleaming diamond, I didn't understand why he had missed it. But then I understood, for it was gone! My friends then began to focus on my nose, "Oh, Leigh, It must have fallen out!" Ladies began to get on the their hands and knees, under my table, looking for my diamond. The man, who now announced he was the manager, began to question what my "nose ring" looked like. The wonderful man that he was, was willing to assist this group of 12 women look for a nose ring. What, for all he knew, had been inside some one's nose. We don't even need to discuss what goes on in a nose. "Uh, it's a diamond...." I wasn't about to call it a sticker.
"Oh, gosh! Get up off the floor!", I begged, "I know that it didn't fall down there, the booth was so cramped, it had to be.........in.......in........my pasta Alfredo!" Everyone looked up from the floor. "OH, no! The pasta!", one said. "Another said, "Oh no! You didn't eat it?"
And so we began to dig, no one even looking at my nose, the focus was all about finding my diamond amongst my pasta dish. There we were, 12 grown women digging through the pasta with forks. I was not about to lose that ring, not after we had group 2 believing our little prank. I was determined to find my ring and proceed with them thinking I had gotten branded of sort on our girls trip. It was a great gag and they were buying. This couldn't be happening.....NO. No! Not the Nose ring!!!!

"Mam, please let me go and get you a new Alfredo dish for you to eat while you look for your diamond in that one", the manager insisted. "Oh, no! I will not allow it. It was my fault". "I insist". He repeated his kind offer. "No, No!" I begged. It was then that I looked down, and by the grace of the dimly lit room, my "diamond" caught a ray of light and gleamed in my plate of Alfredo. "Oh my gosh! I found it". But of course, by now, it was in no shape to be a nose ring. The sticky on the back had been chemically changed by the high fat grams meal.

It was no longer. I began trying to stick it back to my nose. It was useless. The jig was up. I came clean, and apologized to the manager, who belly laughed for all it was worth, as did my friends. Thank goodness he had a sense of humor. And even after that, he once again told me he would bring me a fresh dish of pasta. I again, declined. But later he did bring over a dessert for all of us to split, "You all have made my day!"
And that my blogger frans, is the infamous nose ring story.....So beware, should you ever consider a nose ring, that you too could be suspected for a picker. Do not be caught in a compromising position, a certain penetrator. Instead, consider a henna tattoo. I imagine the night would have turned out much differently had I done that. But then again, we wouldn't have gotten nearly as good a laugh and memory.

18 comments:

Snark Meister said...

Holy cow, yo!!! I laughed SO hard. That almost sounds like the time I pretended to be a Scottish exchange student at an art festival.

Sweet Caroline said...

How funny to read after hearing all about "penetration" during the Celtics/Lakers game tonight lol!

The Troll said...

Grrrherahhahahahahahahhaaha!

giants fan said...

oh, that is hilarious!!!!

Dee said...

I don't know why Leigh, but I can SO see you doing that!! You gave me a good laugh this morning!

HEWY said...

ROFL!!! Leigh that is such a funny story!

"J" said...

I had a HUGE grin all over my face the whole time reading this funny post! Girl...you are so much fun! I love it!

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Leigh, you are hysterical! I was laughing my head off at this story and picturing that whole fiasco.

Priceless!
Rhoda

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Oh, and I'm SO going to check out that consignment store on Rocky Ridge. I love those type of stores!

Thanks for the post!
Rhoda

Lindsey said...

This is a hysterical story. I was laughing out loud. Your "compromising position" was too much, too much. Thanks for the laugh!

Anonymous said...

I know you've told me this story before, but I had to get out the tissue box again....you know how I laugh....tears were pouring down my face, once again, as I read it. One can't help but picture this scene in a crowded restuarant! It's one of my favorite stories that I've heard of some of your antics and adventure.
You always tell a good'n!
I love you, Mom

Welcome to Our Lives... said...

You are hilarious- what a great story!! P.S. I love your new look. :)

This Military Mama said...

holy cow! I could not stop laughing. You are such a funny writer.

Valarie said...

Oh my gosh this is hilarious!!!

Reluctant Housewife said...

That is too funny!

texasholly said...

OMG. That is so funny. I love the part about being in the middle of a Seinfeld episode. That is one of those impressions you can't get back...

Thanks so much for linking today!

Val said...

omg...that was great!

I am totally using that at our next get together!

jill jill bo bill said...

That is FUNNY! I was thinking the whole time it would end up stuck to some other part of your face. That would have been funny, too! Great post!