Sunday, May 11, 2008

In Honor of Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. Remember to tell your mother how special she is to you.
And to my own Mother, Thank you for all you do, the sacrifices you have made, the hours you have put in. It is noted and most appreciated. I am thankful that you are my mom, I am lucky that you are my friend. I love you!

A MOM'S DICTIONARY...

AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-year-old to eat strained beets.
APPLE: Nutritious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.
BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.
BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.
BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.
BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.
CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.
COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.

DAD'S UNDERWEAR: See "DUST RAGS."
DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.
EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.
FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question, "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM".
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.
HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirtsleeves, drapes, etc.
HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.
ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty.
JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals.
JUNK: Dad's stuff.
KISS: Mom medicine.
LEMONADE STAND: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of 15 cents.
MAYBE: No.
OCEAN: What the bathroom floor looks like after bath night for kids, assorted pets, two or three full-sized towels and several dozen toy boats, cars and animals.
OPEN: The position of children's mouths when they eat in front of company.
OVERSTUFFED RECLINER: Mom's nickname for Dad.~


HILARIOUS MOTHERLY WISDOM
PAUL REVERE'S MOTHER "I don't care where you think you have to go, young man. Midnight is past your curfew!"
MONA LISA'S MOTHER "After all that money your father and I spent on braces, Mona, that's the biggest smile you can give us?"
HUMPTY DUMPTY'S MOTHER "Humpty, If I've told you once, I've told you a hundred times not to sit on that wall. But would you listen to me? Noooo!"
COLUMBUS' MOTHER "I don't care what you've discovered, Christopher. You still could have written!"
MICHELANGELO'S MOTHER "Mike, can't you paint on walls like other children? Do you have any idea how hard it is to get that stuff off the ceiling?"
NAPOLEON'S MOTHER "All right, Napoleon. If you aren't hiding your report card inside your jacket, then take your hand out of there and prove it!"
CUSTER'S MOTHER "Now, George, remember what I told you -- don't go biting off more than you can chew!"
ABRAHAM LINCOLN'S MOTHER Again with the stovepipe hat, Abe? Can't you just wear a baseball cap like the other kids?"
BARNEY'S MOTHER "I realize strained plums are your favorite, Barney, but you're starting to look a little purple."
BATMAN'S MOTHER "It's a nice car, Bruce, but do you realize how much the insurance is going to be?"
GOLDILOCKS' MOTHER "I've got a bill here for a busted chair from the Bear family. You know anything about this, Goldie?"
LITTLE MISS MUFFET'S MOTHER "Well, all I've got to say is if you don't get off your tuffet and start cleaning your room, there'll be a lot more spiders around here!"
ALBERT EINSTEIN'S MOTHER "But, Albert, it's your senior picture.Can't you do something about your hair?Styling gel, mousse, something...?"
GEORGE WASHINGTON'S MOTHER "The next time I catch you throwing money across the Potomac, you can kiss your allowance good-bye!"
JONAH'S MOTHER "That's a nice story, but now tell me where you've really been for the last three days."
SUPERMAN'S MOTHER "Clark, your father and I have discussed it, and we've decided you can have your own telephone line. Now will you quit spending so much time in all those phone booths?"
THOMAS EDISON'S MOTHER "Of course I'm proud that you invented the electric light bulb, Thomas. Now turn off that light and get to bed!"~

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2 comments:

Travis said...

Happy Mother's Day my dear!

Anonymous said...

Thank you so much for the tribute on your blog. Thank you for the sweet things said.
You are the world to me.......oh how God has blessed me with allowing me and choosing me to be your Mother.
I love you, my precious daughter.
Mom